Open wounds

I still feel unworthy.

I feel all the skin that healed cracking. Opening back up and just pouring out the pain I have felt over the years and never really dealt with. I feel every vile thing ever said wrote upon me. I feel every word. Cut ever deeper into my skin. Flowing into my blood and poising my brain. Cycling my entire body. I don't know how to heal these wounds anymore. They just keep reopening and it is like every time I think of it someone is pouring salt, only making it worse. 

Medication is a step to heal the brain. 

Slow the poison in its tracks. But the poison just gets stronger each time. How am I meant to function when the cycle is always turning. When you are done thinking about one thing another creeps into your mind. Then comes the anger and hurt again. These have come familiar things in my life. Something that always takes up home in my soul. Replaying it over and over again. Every nasty word, every argument, every tear of sadness all replaying in my brain. Why is it fair for those who treat you badly to have no remorse. No regrets for the words that slash your body. No regrets for the treatment that have broken your trust and cut yet another string on your heart. 

How is it you think you're a good person? 
How do you not lose hours of sleep like I do? 
Why do you get it easy?
I mean. I never claim to be a perfect person. Everyone has their flaws and faults. But I would never be able to treat anyone the way you have treated me. I wouldn't be able to go on in life without having such heartache , regret that I may have made that persons life so much harder at that point in time. But I guess that is what some people do. Treat people badly and expect them to take it. Because being horrible and cruel to people has become second nature in this world. 

I see it everywhere. All over social media about people bullying others. Isolating them. Picking on them. Friends who turn their back on you to put themselves in a more comfortable position. All the while these people you have hurt pick themselves up every day and carry on... Or do they?

Do they just wear a mask when in fact they are dying inside. Are they putting on a front that everything is OK when in actual fact, they are planning their escape from this world. Are they battling the demons inside them that you helped to build? 

But I guess you wouldn't notice how miserable someone is. I guess you only care about yourself and your social circle. You haven't thought twice about passing on a rumour. Or laughing at someone. Or putting someone down. You haven't thought about the impact you have on other people. Being apart of a group that puts others down. All the while you may not say anything to join in on the name calling but yet... You stand there. Stand there in the crowd and don't stop it. You don't help that person. You just watch. Just stand there and thank god that it isn't you.
You are just as bad as they are.

So before you pass a comment. Before you laugh at someone. Before you walk away from someone who is hurting. Think. Think about how you would feel. Think about is what you're doing hurtful? Would you like it?
Just remember people are not open books. You can't see inside them and know how they feel.