Again

Realised it has been such a long time since I have wrote on here.
Guess I felt like I no longer needed it. I no longer needed it because I had friends.
But honestly I feel as if everyone has just walked out of my life again and I am straight back where I started.

Don't get me wrong I have friends..... but sometimes they don't feel like friends. I always ask if they want to do stuff and they never do. But yet I see posts on social media and they have been out and about. I ask them to just tell me straight and if you don;t want anything to do with me tell me and I will leave you alone. But no its always ' Awww no don't think like that we do' ....... Maybe I wouldn't think that way if peoples actions matched their words.
Its like i was in hospital a couple of months back with pain. I had one person ask me if i was ok. The others who I thought were my friends just didn't bother. When you are low and unhappy you need people to reach out to you. To make an unexpected visit to lift your spirits, or even just to grab a coffee with you.

It is so incredibly lonely to be on your own everyday sat in the house not doing anything. It is so nice to have someone to talk to but I need the physical company of being able to talk to people in person and actual go out and do something.
I always put myself forward for my friends and I do believe I am good at noticing when there is something wrong with them......... Why do people never notice when i am hurting. When I am with drawn and upset. Do they even really care because honestly I just feel so alone again.
I crave contact with people..... with real friends......... but that just seems impossible.
Just looks like I am on my own once again.